Monday, January 21, 2013

Borderline Ambiance

I sit here absolutely exhausted by the constant buzz in my head to go go go. Music won't stop the thoughts, nor will drawing, or television. He runs through my mind a lot. Day after day for me feels like seconds but I bet for him every day must feel like a thousand years time here.  He's in England, and it is snowing, and he seems happy. Here I am in the US suffocating in my own lard. Maybe he would love me if I lost the weight, or if I had more money, dressed the right way, talked politics. The alternate personality in my walks down the halls of class and future fame and she is thin and looks down on him and me and everything and speaks " This is all wrong, wrong wrong wrong." Then she slaps us both dusts off the bull shit and rips the fat out of me, shoves me in Chanel on a private jet, and leaves him in his dorm to die and rot in his pot belly button ups.
When I wake up in Kathrine's world there is a mighty king asleep next to me and the curtains billow at the open window with a view out to the sea.
I never want to leave but when he wakes the king see's me instead of Kathrine, and I am escorted out promptly. They would never let me on her jet, none the less she already sent it home. I book a economy class ticket back to the US immediately from an internet cafe' and return to hell.
When she returns she slaps me again, redresses, calls and apologizes to her rich new boyfriend, explaining how I am the problem personality. I should let her have my body, but she is a sociopath and to the people I know and love that is the same as committing suicide.
Still slowly she eats at my personality twitchy and tweaking, and spending money my mother doesn't have.

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